Before you throw shoes at my head, hear me out.

Perez Hilton was blogging that actors have to stay in the closet to be working actors. Well, that is not exactly true. Last Sunday, Outfest 2009 premiered "Bitches, Buttholes, and BFFs". The shortfilm "Lushes" is a part of that series. For those not in the loop, "Lushes" is a movie about

Cork (Ash Christian) & Desi (Parker Torres), two of Tinseltown's most 'Transtastic' transplants, are trying to make a name for themselves in the world of Hollywood drag queens. It isn't until their arch-nemesis, Hollywood's #1 queen, Basil (Cheeks), sabotages their friendship that they realize they're meant to be best friends forever and what it takes to create the most talked about drag number the Valley has ever seen. --Source.

"Lushes" is a film with an entire cast of openly gay actors.

We need to SPAM Perez Hilton asking him to do some press for "Lushes". Send E-mail and/or Tweets including links to the film with all correspondence. Even the official "Lushes" Facebook is in on this:

Lushes Movie Hey all you fellow trannys....remember that tonight is the last night you will get to see "Lushes" at Outfest. Also if you think Lushes/Cheeks should get a shout out on Perez Hilton blow that bitch's email up Perez@PerezHilton.com xoxo diva's!!!

Some of us have seen this movie and it is SO MUCH FUN. We also met some of the cast and they are REALLY nice people. For those in LA or surrounding areas, make a dash to DGA and go get your ticket to watch "Lushes" at Regency Fairfax today at 6:30pm. Today is the last day of screening.

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Perez Hilton E-mail: Perez@PerezHilton.com

Lushes at Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/lmovie?ref=ts
Lushes at Outfest: http://www.outfest.org/tixSYS/2009/xslg ... mber=2805&
Lushes trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nx4mlKw8R7k
An intro to Lushes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kc6mRo_9 ... re=related

Let's try to promote it is an all gay cast and could use some positive press. I know Perez is not always positive but people do read his stuff... A LOT.

There you go! Spam away!

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Btw, if you are throwing shoes at me... size 6 to 7 women's. Thank you!

jenna_thorn asked for advice on what to do in Chicago. I prefaced my comment by saying "I don't know much about where to go in this city" and then puked advice all over her, but unfortunately LJ ate my comment. So I thought I'd just put it here.

This is by no means. AT ALL. A complete guide to Chicago. It is a guide to my small red-line slice of it, my ( stompin' grounds. )

OW MY BRAIN IS TIRED YOU GUYS. So I'll stop there. Please feel free to add information -- I obviously stick to one area of town and have very little to offer in the way of 1. things you can't get to via public transit or 2. the south and west sides of Chicago.

Some more reccs and downloads (can you tell I'm catching up on my email...):

revolutionaryjo recorded a podfic version of Stealing Harry which she has posted to a couple of different places, with my permission. If you'd like Stealing Harry as an audiobook, you can find it for download here. Please comment if you take it and let her know her work is appreciated!

Relatedly, kath_ballantyne has done an awesome illustration of Harry and Frog, which you can view and comment on here. I love poor googly-eyed Frog...

laurab1 also did two illustrations for Sing Morning Out Of Night, my Big Bang fic: Jack with the TARDIS and the Laughing Doctor Fourteen. I especially like the soft surrealism of the first one. :)

I just got my inbox down from 67 comment threads this morning to 10. SWEET JESUS.

I went to bed at ten last night to try and catch up on sleep. And then woke up at two.

Apparently I'm a sprint-sleeper now? Or should be napping instead of eating lunch, or something.

Talking of lunch, angelcarrot and maddoxa have assembled a Cafe Cookbook of Cheap and Delicious Recipes. I had no hand in it, they did all the work! Thank god too because it's not like I'm in any condition to do that.

Given how many people responded, and how the responses Just Kept Coming, there may be one or two omissions. Sorry about that.

Anyway, you can download it as a PDF file a number of ways:

1. Drop.Io
2. Sendspace
3. Megaupload

Enjoy!

I literally just had one of the scariest moments of my life. I am sobbing like a child. I was watching Lost, and I thought, "hey, I think I'll play with Kobe" because he has these little strings that came from the flowers Jen and my mum bought me, and he likes to chase them. And I got up and called him, and he didn't come. So I went looking, and looking, and looking, and I couldn't find him. He wasn't in the closet (either one), the cupboards, on top of the fridge, in my bed - so I looked on the porch, because I saw he'd pushed the door open and gone out to the porch. He wasn't there. So I called my mum. I was crying to hard that I was hyperventilating; I was so scared he'd gone over the railing chasing a fly, or a bird, or something. I was so scared. I literally just couldn't breathe. I tore apart my apartment looking for him. I was so, so scared. My mum told me to go downstairs and see if he'd fallen near the pool, but I couldn't do it - I was terrified he was dead. So I went downstairs with my mum on the phone and got the concierge to open the pool doors so I could go outside and look. Thank god, he wasn't there. I went upstairs, still crying like a baby, and started literally crawling through my apartment looking.

The silly thing had crawled into his carrier and closed the door. I freaking sobbed with relief. I feel so bad for waking my mum up, but she told me not to be sorry (I AM ANYWAY, I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS). Damn cat. I love him a little too much to lose him to a cat carrier.

In other news, I saw HP6 with jeebs83 Monday night! Will post about it tomorrow.

PS: Mah new layout is not done yet, so if things look weird - THAT WOULD BE WHY. I fail. Hard. ♥

Pics have been updated now.

Whee! In less than seven hours I will be sitting in the theater with my friends (and hordes of HP fans) watching Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. :D After last year's disappointment due to the rescheduling from November to July, I sort of lost enthusiasm. However, it has been slowly building since mid-June and now I'm in full-blown excitement mode. I'm meeting my friends in about half an hour for a leisurely dinner; we'll then go to Starbucks and Borders before going to the theater.

To those of you who will be watching soon or later this week or whenever, have a great time! Looking forward to the film discussion at the usual places. ♥

My exodus from apartment hell has been delayed until Thursday because my mother wanted to wait until Papa Chris came home from a family trip, so here I still am. I wish I wasn't. I'm ready to be gone. I'm tired of the constant anticipatory adrenaline buzz, and of living the bizarre half-life of the U-Haul People. Most of my favorite things were packed days ago, when the move was supposed to be over by now, and so, I've been watching Court TV for want of something more entertaining. I would clean or sort or pack, but my mother swore up and down that I didn't need to buy more storage bins because she had plenty. Well, yes. But she is there. I am here. Unless she's mastered Star Trek technology, her plenitude of storage bins is of no use to me. But I can't bring more than one giant bin home on the bus, and even that earns Roomie the bus driver stinkface, and thus, I'm half-packed and unable to make headway because I have no boxes. And Son of Himmler could be here for his inspection any time between tomorrow and Friday.

I hope it's Friday. I want to see him try to intimidate my hardass mother with his middle-aged building-inspector wang. She's remodeled dozens of houses during her lifetime and knows exactly what it costs to maintain and repair a residence. She can also tell the difference between reasonable wear and tear from ten years of use and gross negligence. Let him try to overcharge me for "damages" I incurred.

Speaking of Son of Himmler, the building crew will be here tomorrow to repaint the wall cut open by the gas company, which means I will have to vacate the apartment from eight until four. Mind you, I'm on a ten-day deadline to clean up the apartment or else. I had to vacate today so they could patch the wall. I lost three days last week to the actual gas line retrofit. I will lose tomorrow to the paint job. That has left me five days to return the apartment to its pre-lease splendor. As if. Five weeks, maybe, but five days is a goal that would make Jesus pull a hamstring.

And my mother, bless and damn her, is shifting the goalposts. For two years, she's enticed me to move to the North Carolina Mayberry by promising that the three-bedroom, two-bath home would be "just right" for me, a handicap-accessible nirvana where I could live out my days rent-free. This is the same home into which I was told I would be moving at the beginning of the week.

Last night, she begins her all-too-familiar bait-and-switch dance. The home that was formerly so "perfect for me" suddenly has corridors that are too narrow. Maybe I'd like to live in HUD-sponsored limper housing instead. In an apartment commensurate in size to the abode in which I currently reside. Since I'm so impoverished, it would only cost me $180-400 a month, depending on their income-based accounting voodoo. Plus, it would be right in the "center of town", right next to the Subway and across the street from the hospital. She informed me of this last with the hysterical cheer of an L.A. realtor trying to close on a roach-infested condo just ten miles from the beach, as if the hospital were limper code for swinging singles bar.

I don't want to live in HUD housing. I'm tired of listening to my upstairs neighbors fart and snore and fuck, and of being awakened at the buttcrack of dawn because maintenance just had to see if the weedeater could be powered by the engine from a garbage truck. I wanted space and privacy and goddamn quiet. It's not the rent that bothers me; I offered to pay her up to $500 a month for the three-bedroom. I agreed to move there because she promised me I could have what I've always wanted: a permanent sanctuary from the world. Now, she's waffling, and it's raising red flags and my blood pressure. If she never thought the house was right for me, she never should have used it as an inducement to lure me to North Carolina. I feel like Charlie Brown lining up to kick the football.

Not only that, but I've discovered that AOL doesn't have an access number for my area. Hence, I'm faced with the potential loss of my online identity as well. My mother swears on a stack of Bibles that she'll make sure I have high-speed Internet ASAP, but how can that be when I'm no longer certain of where I'll be living? ISPs require an address before they can hook a sister up. Hell, I can't even change my government paperwork until I have a fixed address. I'm unsurprised, but angry. She asked me to trust her and uproot my entire life, and when I did, she changed the agreed-upon gameplan. Just like always.

I don't know when I'll be back because I'll be living in her basement for the next few weeks while she wastes a desperate realtor's time and drags me all over town in pursuit of "the perfect place" for me. On top of that, she's unilaterally declared that I'm applying for food stamps and SSI and Medicaid and having a physical and wheelchair evaluation and going to the dentist and opening multiple bank accounts, all before August 6th, which is when she must return to her job as a school custodian.

It's too much to tackle at once, and I know it. I know that I'm going to crack under the pressure at the most inopportune moment--in the middle of the bank, like as not--and end up a sobbing, snot-faced embarrassment because my nervous system has reached its limit. I need time to adjust gradually and breathe and decompress. I need the security of knowing that my mother will listen if I say I need to stop for a minute or an hour, but I don't have that. She's so excited, so caught up in "taking care" of me that she's not listening anymore. It's the same old same old, and I'm bitterly disappointed.

In an effort to end on a proactive note, I'd like my flist to chime in with their thoughts on broadband versus wireless. Since I've so rudely discovered that AOL will no longer be my ISP, I've been eyeing the AT&T laptop connect cards and the like. Which is better for reliability--wireless or broadband? Is wireless really as simple as plugging in the connect card and surfing the Web? Is wireless secure?

I have the technological dumb. Please, won't you help me find the cure?

Well, so, that was a day. *collapses*

The offsite meeting went well and, as is traditional in these things, ended with a gigantic catered lunch and the rest of the day off (due to open bar at the gigantic catered lunch). I do think that ribs and watermelon are a charming picnic concept, but not the wisest thing to serve to a bunch of people in businesswear. I don't actually like ribs and I only tolerate watermelon, so lunch was not necessarily satisfying for me, but it was free.

After lunch, I took off for physical therapy, where my therapist says my strength and range of motion are both right where they should be, but I have some of the most terrible balance and proprioception she's ever seen in someone without an actual disorder. She recommends I make use of the WiiFit I've never used, or possibly take some yoga. Apparently this will stop me randomly bumping into doorframes/chairs/tables and falling down a lot. I'm skeptical, but willing to give it a go.

I AM SO TIRED. And I ought to be more hungry than I am, but I've noticed that for about two weeks basically everything I eat gives me indigestion, which does stifle the appetite. I eat a lot of toast. I KNOW, not healthy, but I am making sure I get protein and I take a multivitamin.

I'm going to order sushi and go to bed early tonight. Or maybe just go to bed.

Title: Yearning
Author: eternal_sadist
Fandom: Firefly
Rating: G
Summary: There are days when he wants to go back so badly it feels like it could pull him right off his boat.
Disclaimer: They are not mine. If you thought they were, you either have intel I want, or you need more help than I thought.
Notes: for 30_secrets; prompt 24 [Always] (Table)

( This family is nuts. )

I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME.

Okay in advance, this was a whole avalanche of stupid, and I was not immune to it.

I WAS ASLEEP. And I woke to the sound of my bedroom door -- the one that for some reason known only to God opens directly into our landing foyer -- creaking. So I got out of bed and looked through the peep hole in my kitchen door, through which I can see my bedroom door, and the guy who lives across the hall and I can only presume his girlfriend are trying to pry my bedroom door open WITH A SCREWDRIVER.

Here is the first dumb thing I did: I opened my kitchen door.

"What are you doing?" I asked. "That's my bedroom door."

"It's locked," he said. "We're trying to pry it open."

I KNOW.

"Why are you trying to pry my bedroom door open?" (He said, right before the burglars shot him.)

"I thought it goes to outside," he said. I'm guessing he meant, he thought it was a stairwell that we didn't have access to?

"It doesn't go to outside, it goes to my bedroom," I said. "It's locked and there's a lamp in front of it."

Now, I know this is a stupid, stupid conversation. But I feel okay because I HAD BEEN ASLEEP 30 SECONDS BEFORE, and because he trumped me cold.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

Wait, let's revisit that: he asked me if I was sure my bedroom door did not SECRETLY, MAGICALLY open on his side of the wall into NARNIA OR SOMETHING I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

At which point I shut and locked my kitchen door, walked through the living room to the bedroom, and BANGED ON THE DOOR.

"I AM SPEAKING TO YOU THROUGH THE DOOR," I said. "I AM NOT OUTSIDE."

"OH," he yelled back. "OKAY."

I'm going back to bed. The world is too stupid right now for me to be conscious and liveblogging it.

OH LOOK, Sam's posting again.

I forgot two MORE things!

One, to recommend and advertise fandometrics, which is a new place to study fandom, the way we think and why we do what we do. Looks like fun! Possibly a lot of maths, but fun!

Two, to moan about the fact that it is NOT a short day for me tomorrow because like an ass I scheduled physical therapy for five pm. I'll just show up early and ask if they can fit me in, and if not there's a pub nearby. I bet I'd be way more relaxed at PT after a beer.

(Three, PT is going well, but I get Measured tomorrow to see how far I've come and I don't feel that I've done as well as I could. There's still a fairly high level of pain, especially in the evenings. Still, my therapist knows how to deal the crack: once I'm done with my exercises I get a glorious ankle massage and ten minutes with the ice pack of true love.)

I was trying to make my way up the escalator on the Metro this morning and was annoyed by this woman in front of me who was trying to walk and read a book at the same time. When we reached the top and I passed her, I noticed she was reading Deathly Hallows, so of course all was forgiven!

In other DC area news, my husband found this video on YouTube. If you are from DC or have lived in the area for any length of time, you should probably get a bit kick out of this. The university I went to is in Arlington and this had me in fits of giggles.

Where: Director's Guild of America, Los Angeles
When: 12 July 2009, Sunday
What: Outfest 2009

It was fun volunteering, albeit a bit tiring... being on your feet a lot of the time. And on your butt for most of it. Call me crazy but I had fun counting tickets, checking bags, distributing/collecting ballots and pencils. Haha, considering I was a bit under the weather yesterday, I survived a diet of grapes, a bottle of orange Vitamin Water, and 3 bottles of Smart Water. Yes, that's about what I ate after 2:30pm. Alcohol was a hairbreadth away but I'm a few months short of 21. Boo!

Anyway, it was nice to get out of the house and do something on my own. (Going to the mall with the 'family' does not count.) I had purpose, as cliche as it sounds. I was part of something. And I met new people. It was a totally new experience for me and I truly had fun.

(LOL, 50% of the people there figured out I'm straight. The other 50% need to tweak their gaydars haha. I fessed up anyway.)

But I was really looking forward to meeting the Peeps. And of course, Cheeks himself! When 8:30pm came, I kept an eye open for them... I didn't know how I would spot them but I still looked. My shift was just finishing a ballot count, things were dying down again in preparation for the "Bitches, Buttholes, and BFFs" screening when I spotted whom I thought was Jam, one of the Peeps. She was pretty easy to spot in her aqua colored dress. (I remember picking it from her photobucket haha.) Good thing she was headed for the restroom so I headed over there as well. Also met Jam's friend from college, Lucy.

We then met with Jo outside. I actually saw her in the restroom but didn't know it was Jo. LOL. Anyway... after huge hugs from both Jam and Jo, I got my bearhug from Cheeks! *squee* I saw him from afar and I was like, "Lord, please don't make me forget my English." HAHA. He was wearing the Libra necklace Raven gave him.  (Yes, Raven is the one who won the Cheektini contest.) I don't think I was tongue-tied, I mean I wasn't shy or anything. I just... didn't know what to say! Such a dork! Hahaha. For some seconds, all I could say was "OMG." Total fangirly moment! HAHA.

He thought my nails rocked. I'm happy! The hard work has paid off. LOL. Right then and there, I decided to clock out from my shift so I can spend time with them. After all, I did my share of 6 hours. Cheeks told me to find him after I clock out. I left my stuff at the station and donned my jacket to cover up the volunteer shirt. I didn't exactly spot Cheeks from the crowd... I actually saw Jam. It's difficult to not spot her haha. Love it!  Cheeks introduced us to his friends Ashley, Parker, et al.

Anyway, it was funny how we got a full body pic of Cheeks. A cute story! Jo asked us if we're good with a digital camera. Tania (she won the shirt design contest) said she is and then Jo said it was to get a full body photo. And then everyone went, "Oh yeah", "Oh I'll take a picture too"," Oh YEAH". Cheeks said, "Ooooh-kay. I got four different tones of 'oh yeah'. Something must be up..." We just kept talking... yes, ignored what he said. (I went over to attach myself on his hip. That was pretty much all I could do at that point. Idk what came over me lol.)

He then asked, "Soooo... where do you want me to stand?" And again, there was no answer! LOL. Or I was too distracted to realize there was. Anyways, next thing I knew he went off to greet some friends. I saw an iMac console and tried to log-in to the chatroom but no go. When I got back to the group, Cheeks was introducing the Peeps to Nick Sweet! (OMG, he so cute in person. LOL. What is with me and gay guy crushes haha.) Nick is the "British" guy from the Cheeks sex tape. Then all 5 of us: Jam, Jo, Tania, Lucy, and myself, took that full body photos that were "needed". *winkwink*

We then went to the Lushes pre-screening party at the DGA Atrium. (Earlier, they were playing Glee's version of "Don't Stop Believin'"... some of use were singing along haha.) I thought they wouldn't let me in - because I'm 20 going on 15 appearance-wise - but they saw the VOLUNTEER on my shirt (forgot to zip my jacket all the way up) and they didn't even think twice. More pics were taken... it was awesome that there were Peeps from both coasts of the USA there. We were introduced (again) to Parker, the actor who played Desi (the blond) in "Lushes". Once again, he's cuter in person. LMAO. They were all so nice!

Jo "stole" Cheeks' vodka cranberry drink. LMAO. Not that either of them needed more alcohol. He asked her to tweet it but Jo was too far gone so I tweeted it. (Yes, I took responsibility of the official twitterer of the bunch.  After all, I had a reputation to maintain haha.  If only AT&T signal is better at the DGA.)  Jo downed the drink at the hallway before going into the theatre.  Haha!

(I'm not going to talk about "Bitches, Buttholes, and BFFs" right now because there's one more screening this Wednesday.)

Jam... is AWESOME.  Awesome.  She has street teaming down to a science.  You cannot say no to her.  I sat outside DGA1 wating for the others to come out of the theater.  Cheeks found me there... got another hug!  His performance in Lushes was sooooo darn good!  LOL, good thing I just spritzed on some cologne and stupid me, I couldn't remember where I got it when he asked what cologne it was.  (For some reason, I cannot remember "Bath and Body Works".  I always say "Bed, Bath, and Beyond".  Just goes to show which stores I frequent.)  How I wish it were Herbal Essences as he first guessed.  (LOL, it's the first time a guy sniffed me.  OMG, I didn't just say that, did I?)  Anyhoo, we all met up again outside the DGA.  Sadly, I couldn't go to the afterparty.  *it sucks being underage*

Jam drove me home.  *hugs her*  It was soooooo nice talking to her.  I had a TON of fun last night. Thank you so much, Cheeks for bringing us Peeps all together.

I am soooo ready to do it all over again this Wednesday! 

Pictures!

In all the insanity of today I forgot to tell you guys about the new line in my job description:

VIRTUAL RECEPTIONIST.

We're expanding our operation to a new floor of the building we're located in, but that floor unfortunately did not have space, and we do not have budget, for a receptionist. The new floor doesn't connect to the 19th floor via a stairwell like our others do, so people can't come in on the 19th and then descend.

BossBoss, who is a total tech-head, managed to wrangle budgeting for a personal videoconference rig at my desk. People will come to the door of our new floor, push a button, and MY FACE WILL APPEAR on a video screen.

"Welcome!" I will say. "I'm Sam, your VIRTUAL RECEPTIONIST. Who are you here to see?"

And then they'll tell Virtual Me and I'll buzz them in and ring that person to come get them. Once it's all installed and I've been doing it for a few months, I'll qualify for a salary increase based on greater responsibility.

I'm going to get paid to be Max Headroom.

This is the next best thing to living inside the internet.

• *fans self* It's broiling right now and I'm feeling antsy. It's not exactly a heat wave per se, but it is exceedingly hot and uncomfortable. The heat isn't unusual for this time of the year, but the rain we had last Saturday was out of season.

I don't even feel like eating dinner right now. As soon as I post this, I think I will go and make myself a raspberry slushie and sit out in the backyard.

• Last Saturday at mass, something crossed my line of vision that caused me to have a truly bizarre thought. It was strange enough that I nudged my mom who was kneeling next to me to look at the thing. It was during communion. I was reflecting when I saw the shoulder bag of a woman standing in line for communion. The overall color of the bag was khaki; the four corners white with a tiny tip of dark brown. Based on that description, what do you think came to mind?

To me, the tips made them look like four giant breasts or a series of udders (highlight to read). o_O I wanted to know someone else's opinion of it, so I nudged my mom without thinking; it was a highly inappropriate time. She never did see the bag, but I shake my head and wonder what the heck the designer was thinking with that and why that woman bought the bag. Or maybe it's just me and my twisted way of viewing things.

At any rate, I'm off to make my slushie. I'll catch up with all of you later tonight when it's cooler.

After last time, when I didn't post for a few days because it wasn't on my to-do list, I put "POST TO LIVEJOURNAL" on my to-do list.

Under "recurring things you need to do".

And the subheading "anywhere" (as opposed to "only at work" or "only at home").

THE LIST RULES ALL.

Which is just as well, since I'm exhausted; it feels more like a Friday than a Monday, I suspect due mainly to my malfunctioning internal alarm clock. I get to go offsite tomorrow, which is good in that it means a short day for me, bad in that it means a lot of running around and disorganisation and expectations that I be competent.

I am competent, you know, it's just I hate it when people expect it of me because then I have to be reliable, too.